04.30, Jan 2nd.  A sleepless night and as I lie in my bed tears fall down my face onto the pillow.

The Ganges at Bhyasghat

January 1st started pretty normally.  I planned to leave the mountain retreat at 7am.  By the time I wished A Happy New Year ("nayi sal mubarak ho!) to the family and assorted overnighting bodies, and by the time kitchen queen Aarti had tossed me up 2 paranthas to take on my travels, it was 7.45.  I was tripping off to Rishikesh for a Krishnadas concert.  Yes!! Krishnadas!! The great American chant master Yogi himself in concert in Rishikesh to raise funds for the Ganga Prem Rishikesh hospice. It's a 5 to 7 hour journey depending on how you combine walking, jeep and bus.

The way my chosen route took me meant an initial 2 hour walk down to the road at the Ganges and I started off under a slightly grey sky .   As I walked along the narrow mountain trail I started chanting Om, Om, Om. I do this when I'm driving too -much better than the radio. One hour took me to the tiny village of Sulsi where I exchanged a few words with a stocky 30-something lady who, with typical mountain hospitality, offered me tea.  I wanted to get to Rishikesh by mid afternoon so, knowing that it would be a 30 minute stop I declined the offer, promising to stop by on my return.  About 20 minutes later (Om, Om, Om)  I was aware that the track seemed unfamiliar.  I wasn't sure if I had missed my path.  There are many side tracks forged by villagers going into the "jungal" to collect wood for the fire or leafy branched feed for the animals.  Maybe it would have been better to have a bit more focus rather than getting lost in "Om"  However I could see the Ganges ahead and below as well as the hamlet of Bhyasghat which was the next stopping point, so I continued to follow an ever-diminishing track until it eventually ended completely.  Now was a difficult choice.  I could retrace my steps all  the way back up  - probably a one hour climb -or continue on and hope that I could safely negotiate the downhill to the road at the Ganges - and hope too, that no leopards or bears would be prowling about. Deciding to continue downwards I found a stick to help with balance and stability on the steep slope.  Banging the stick against stones or trees would also "warn" unseen animals that I was there - and generally they will avoid you.

Forging through gorse-like undergrowth incurred a few scratches and needles in my thin trousers, but I made slow and steady progress.  Then came some very steep ground; dry unstable earth and no big rocks to step on.  Plus I noticed a family of black-faced langur monkeys watching me.  These lovely creatures are usually quite timid and beat a retreat when humans are around.  But these 2 guys were just watching me as I fretted whether to go down this step or the other; trying to figure out which way was safest.   I was well aware that if I had an accident here there was no-one around to help; and no mobile phone signal either.  I wondered if they could sense my insecurity and vulnerability.  The thought occurred to me that these gentle-seeming monkeys might not be so gentle if they had some babies there.   And they're BIG monkeys. (Om, Om, Om, plus an inward prayer) I decided not to move in their direction, but to seek a way down which led away from them. After another  anxious 30 minutes slipping and sliding (Om, Om, Om) I was relieved to see the main path crossing below me and, once there, it was but a 20 minute easy hike to the road. (By road I mean predominantly dirt track which is driveable).

There is  a marvellous and relatively unknown temple here -Bhyasghat -  so-called because the great sage Bhyasa lived, meditated and did austerities here some 2000 years ago before going to Badrinath and Manas where he wrote the world-renowned spiritual classic Bhagavad Gita (Song of God). After washing my scratches and bruises in the holy Ganges waters I entered the now beautifully renovated temple to pray.  I was delighted to see an elderly white-robed priest quietly chanting mantra -adding to the already profoung vibration. Shortly I was ready tto leave and, once more refusing the hospitality offered I started down the road, eating one of Aarti's salt and lemon parathas as I walked.  I was hoping to catch a ride  to the bridge 6 miles down the road where a 10 minute hike would take me to the main road to Rishikesh, and the bus route.  But, no vehicles passed.  I did, however take tea with Anjali and her family who live in one of the very few houses along that 6 mile stretch.  I had met Anjali 2 years earlier -a young, indian woman studying politics, English and Political Science at the college 15 miles down the road.  A delightful young lady, to be married later this year to a young man from the state capital Dehradun.  While I was taking tea I regretfully watched 3 cars and a truck pass by.  Potential rides!!  But, as I finished my tea I waved at another truck passing by which stopped.  With a hasty thanks and namaste to my  hosts I climbed into the truck and was whisked (relative to my earlier slow progress) along the bumpy road to the bridge.

Across the bridge and up at the main road it was only 5 minutes before a bus clanked along.  I eagerly clambered aboard only to discover -no seats -standing room only.  OK - an uncomfortable 90 minutes I thought.  But the conductor had 2 men squeeze up on their 2 seats to make a 6 inch space to accommodate me -or at least to accommodate my sit bones/butt when I sat sideways.

Now,  travelling on these buses on these mountain roads isn't  comfortable  at the best of times.  There are bumps and braking, swinging round bends, the smell of dirt  and dust and unwashed tired travellers, the faint fragrance of diesel and the odd person being sick out of the window....You  get the picture.  Normally I cope pretty well.  But sitting sideways on a narrow perch, and being swung all ways was both uncomfortable and slightly nauseating.  What to do?  I started mentally chanting Om......Inhale Om Om Om Om....hold the breath ... Om Om..Exhale ...Om Om Om Om... whilst looking firmly upwards behind closed eyelids, thus focusing energy at the 6th chakra or spiritual eye.  And it worked a treat.  As long as I was firmly concentrating on the practice I felt OK.  When my mind drifted I would feel uncomfortable.  Nausea was an excellent motivation to focus on the practice.  And, amazingly when I next looked at my watch a whole hour had passed.  In no time at all we were in Rishikesh.  The" big  city" - or at least a whole bunch of facilities for tourists and westerers that aren't available in the mountains.

I checked into my hotel room and switched on the water heater.  While the water was heating I dashed off to the best coffee shop in town and treated myself to a genuine Italian cappuccino and a chocolate brownie. Caffeinated, revived and showered I went to do some errands.  My  dear Indian friend Bupee oiled some bureaucratic wheels and I rapidly obtained a new SIM card for my phone which will give me a better signal in the mountains and ease communications.  Then I visited my favourite barber for a shave, which is always a real treat, as I can practically lie back in the chair and meditate.  There's an element of "surrender" - to the man with the razor blade at your throat - trusting his skill, eyesight and focus; and despite getting the closest shaves I've ever had, I 've never been once nicked by him.

In the street I was approached by  a few of the students who I taught 2 or 3 years ago.  They call me Mr Stan or Stan Sir.. They are such beautiful, engaging souls and it's wonderful to see how they've grown into confident young teenagers.  One of them even gave me a New Year's gift - a chocolate wafer biscuit. ..So sweet...

The evening finished with dinner with Shahla who runs Mother Miracle School where I worked for 2 years. We went to the most expensive place in town - and shared the 14GBP bill.

All in all a wonderful adventure, full of challenges, surprises and beauty.  Back in my room I settled down for the night only to toss and turn as the street dogs barked or  the Vikram diesel 3 wheelers rattled past.  3am I heard the donkeys clopping down the road - probably going to the Ganges to fill their bags with beach sand for a construction site. I took out my iPod and plugged in my earpieces.  At that time of the morning there is a special stillness; no need to think about the day ahead - it's still hours away.l Listening to Moonlight Sonata and hearing the counterpoint notes like the reflection of the full moon in still water; hearing Ali Bain and Phil Cunningham  on fiddle and accordion playing music which for me always reflects the beauty and majesty of tm beloved Scottish landscape - of mountains, lochs and glens; Handel's Messiah; Andreas Bocelli; the genius of Sharron Shannon - quicksilver touch on button accordion and an inspiring musicality;  and the divine grace flowing through words spoken by Paramhansa  Yogananda.

And the tears flowed down onto my pillow.  Not just an emotional reaction to the music.  Tears of joy and gratitude and Love.  Gratitude  and love for my family, for my friends, for my path in this life.  Feeling my heart open to the flow of grace. Knowing that the love I have to give embraces not only my family and friends, but a love that spreads to my brothers and sisters all around the worlds; and a love big enough to include those where there may be challenges.  And a deep knowing that love is all there is.  Love is all that is important.  Love for your friends and those who are not your friends; a love which embraces  all people everywhere. Love for the divine - for your idea of the divine - including the divine spirit in yourself. I am love - and so are you. Love is all there is; all you need.  The Beatles were right. 

And so at the beginning of this new year I know that I am different; I have grown and changed in this last year.  I know that my heart continues to open  to love - an infinite process for us all, until we  we return to Source, to Christ Consciousness.

And if the rest of 2012 follows in similar vein it will be a wonderful, challenging, maybe a little scary year.  But full of joy and gratitude and love.  I am truly blessed

May your year also be filled with blessings, with gratitude and joy, but especially with Love

In Love

Stan